For The Person Who Has Everything

On the heels of my last post, I am here to share with you things I would not want for Christmas. Yes, these are real items that I've seen advertised in the weekly circulars.

Pet Cam - Ultra compact digital collar camera for your dog; stores up to 40 photos. $69.99 Because everyone enjoys shots of their knees and Buster has been freeloading for too long.

Marshmallow Blaster - Blasts marshmallows 40 feet; air pressure powered; marshmallows not included. $34.99 Make food fights a family tradition this holiday season.

Baconnaise - Bacon-flavored mayonnaise for 80 calories a tablespoon. $14.99 for 3 jars. When you are dying for a BLT, but are out of bacon.

Bacon-Flavored Lip Balm - From the makers of Baconnaise. $3.99 Who doesn't want to kiss a strip of bacon?

Hilary Nutcracker - Cracks the toughest nut; stainless steel thighs; America's favorite nutcracker. $21.95 Buy one for your republican father-in-law.


Happy shopping, everyone!

Comments

  1. Mama DawgNovember 19, 2008 at 9:46 AM

    I love the Hillary nut cracker. That's priceless!

    And bacon flavored anything is just plain nasty.

    ReplyDelete
  2. limeNovember 19, 2008 at 10:41 AM

    bacon flavored lip balm....i think my stomach just did a flip flop....

    ReplyDelete
  3. FTNNovember 19, 2008 at 12:00 PM

    I just went and ordered some of the bacon flavored lip balm. Seriously. Free shipping! Can you believe that?

    ReplyDelete
  4. for a different kind of girlNovember 19, 2008 at 12:01 PM

    Baconnaise!? I don't know whether to be super excited or horrified. Oh, I'd be super excited. I know I would get addicted to that fast!

    ReplyDelete
  5. FTNNovember 19, 2008 at 12:18 PM

    Three tubes. I just ordered three tubes of bacon-flavored lip balm.

    ReplyDelete
  6. BijouxNovember 19, 2008 at 12:23 PM

    Mama - I also saw a Bill Clinton corkscrew, but that was too cliche.

    Lime - gross, huh?

    FTN - I hope Autumn likes bacon. Actually, you'll probably need the protection on that island.

    FADKOG - Just don't put it on your chocolate fiber one pop tarts.

    FTN - Ok, Porky!

    ReplyDelete
  7. TrueselfNovember 19, 2008 at 1:09 PM

    I'm trying to think how my dog would take pictures with said Pet Cam. Even if he could would he or I enjoy looking at the things he might choose to photograph? If he photographed his favorite things then we'd have pictures of his raggedy red toy, a full dinner bowl, my son N, and a bunch of squirrels. Other than the ones of N, I don't think I'd care for those photos.

    Notice I avoided all mention of bacon flavored items, just like a good little vegetarian girl should.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Desmond JonesNovember 19, 2008 at 2:24 PM

    I dunno. . . something about the consistency of lip balm, along with 'bacon flavor' just seems gross. I mean, if you really want your lips to taste/smell like bacon, wouldn't bacon grease do just as well?

    And, uh, if Molly used bacon-flavored lip balm, it'd be hard for me to get the idea that she'd just smeared her lips with bacon grease, out of my head. . .

    ReplyDelete
  9. BijouxNovember 19, 2008 at 2:53 PM

    True - I can't imagine enjoying any pictures taken from two feet off the ground either.

    Desmond - totally good point; what is the difference, besides having it in a handy little plastic tube? I suspect FTN will be using his 3 tubes for some sort of foul play in the BloggerHouse.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Trooper ThornNovember 19, 2008 at 7:20 PM

    Are you kidding? A marshmallow gun? That sounds AWESOME!!!! You could get away with anything with such a gun because no one you shot would admit they were hurt by a marshmallow.

    And who doesn't want more things to be bacon flavored? Do they have sausage-annaise?

    ReplyDelete
  11. JodyJNovember 20, 2008 at 10:03 AM

    My mom would always pour the greasy bacon drippings into an old coffee tin, and store it under the sink.
    I remember dreading having to open that can to pour more in, it was a bit of a gag fest. The mere thought of smearing bacon flavoured balm on is wrong on so many levels.

    ReplyDelete
  12. BijouxNovember 20, 2008 at 1:17 PM

    Trooper - Sausage grosses me out - the casing and the particles of who knows what inside. You will have to enjoy the sausage mayo by yourself.

    Jody - Husband's family did that whole bacon grease under the sink thing. He tried that here and I put my foot down. The smell was horrendous!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. tNovember 23, 2008 at 12:59 PM

    We have the marshmallow blaster. It is AWESOME. They also have a potato shooter but I never quite understood that. Getting blasted with a potato could do some damage. We'll stick with the sugary stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Lil BitNovember 24, 2008 at 9:09 AM

    So, how does a dog take pix? You teach him where the button is to push? LOL!

    Baconnaise sounds like it might have a market... but bacon LIP BALM? what?? LOLOL!!!

    The Hillary Nutcracker reminds me of a recent trip to the supermarket that hubby & I took.
    He keeps throwing things into the cart and then we get to the xmas aisle (of course this stuff has been out since the day after H'ween!) and he makes a comment about the nutcrackers that are just for decoration but won't really crack a nut.
    My retort? lol
    "I'll crack YOUR nuts if you keep throwing crap into our cart!"

    (In the end, AFTER coupons and my store discount card, the bill was $260!!!!)
    .... and he wonders why I don't like to take him along when it's grocery shopping time. Gah!

    (sorry to get sidetracked from the point of your post, lol)

    ReplyDelete
  15. BijouxNovember 24, 2008 at 12:01 PM

    DB - a potato shooter sounds like a lawsuit ready to happen!

    LB - That is hilarious! My husband is the EXACT same way! And tell him our nutcrackers work here, so BEWARE!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment