New Pick-Up Line

So, I'm minding my own business today at the Target, where I'm a frequent shopper. Just browsing the Valentine's Day cards, looking for something humorously sexy to give to Husband.

Can I just interrupt this story to say that I'm a very average looking middle aged woman? Nobody is turning their head on the street when I walk by. I also do not display cleavage and other body parts, especially in February! I do not wear enticing black gloves, as shown. Apparently, I'm just approachable. That's all I can figure out.

Anyhoo.......I'm standing there, reaching this way and that, chuckling to myself over the funny cards, when along comes a middle aged man who gets a little too close into my personal zone. And it's doubly weird, because I'm looking at R-rated Valentines. He's not there more than 5 seconds when he says to me, "Those are real nails, aren't they?"  I answer him that yes, my nails are the real deal. They are not extraordinarily long nails, just about a quarter of an inch long. The conversation continues as follows:

Him: "You don't see those anymore."

Me: "No, I suppose not."

Him: "Most women have those long fake nails. I could tell yours were real when you put that card back."

Me: ???

Him: "Do you get a lot of comments on those?"

Me: "Umm...not really. Since they aren't painted, I don't think people notice."

Him: "Are they really hard?"

Me: "Umm....I guess so...."

Him: REACHING FOR MY HAND and FEELS MY NAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him: "Those are hard..........if I see any guys with red marks, I'll know it was you!"

The last remark was the final straw and I hurriedly walked towards the cleaning supplies, in case I needed to grab a can of something to spray in this dude's face.

Happy Valentine's Day to me!