If you haven't seen the latest viral video, take a moment to view this. But please, don't torture yourself past the first minute of it.
Having kids around this young woman's age, I've had a number of conversations recently about a parent's role in encouraging or discouraging your prodigy in their dreams. In other words, when do you tell your kid, "You don't have talent" basically, bursting their bubble? Or when do you say, "You do have talent, but realistically, your chances of succeeding are slim to none"?
I have not had to say either of those to my own children, as they are all realists. College Daughter, while being a superstar softball pitcher in high school, realized that continuing to play in college was not going to be helpful in her pursuit of a nursing degree. Middle Child sings and has had great success at solo & ensemble contests, but she knows that she will never have a Top 40 song. My Son is a fabulous high school tennis player, but playing in USTA tournaments, he can easily check his ranking online every week and see that he will never be Andy Roddick.
However, my brother was a different story. From about age 9 till he was in high school, the poor lad honestly thought he was going to be a professional baseball player. After not making the team, you would think that he had learned a lesson. Nope. His new dream? To become a professional DJ. Now, I could have told him that there was no way in hell this was ever going to happen. Not that it was that far-fetched, but he does not have the personality for it. He went on to get a bachelor's degree in communications. With no job prospects, he continued working his minimum wage job at a warehouse club. A few years later, he wasted more money by going to a broadcasting school. Twenty some years later, he has never been a DJ (besides college radio at 2 a.m.)
I'm just amazed at how often someone will tell me their daughter is majoring in dance or something similar in college. Really? You are going to spend over $100,000 for a degree in dance? I just don't get it. Then again, if everyone was like me and my own children, the streets of Hollywood would be empty and no one would be there to wait on our table, should we ever visit.
Having kids around this young woman's age, I've had a number of conversations recently about a parent's role in encouraging or discouraging your prodigy in their dreams. In other words, when do you tell your kid, "You don't have talent" basically, bursting their bubble? Or when do you say, "You do have talent, but realistically, your chances of succeeding are slim to none"?
I have not had to say either of those to my own children, as they are all realists. College Daughter, while being a superstar softball pitcher in high school, realized that continuing to play in college was not going to be helpful in her pursuit of a nursing degree. Middle Child sings and has had great success at solo & ensemble contests, but she knows that she will never have a Top 40 song. My Son is a fabulous high school tennis player, but playing in USTA tournaments, he can easily check his ranking online every week and see that he will never be Andy Roddick.
However, my brother was a different story. From about age 9 till he was in high school, the poor lad honestly thought he was going to be a professional baseball player. After not making the team, you would think that he had learned a lesson. Nope. His new dream? To become a professional DJ. Now, I could have told him that there was no way in hell this was ever going to happen. Not that it was that far-fetched, but he does not have the personality for it. He went on to get a bachelor's degree in communications. With no job prospects, he continued working his minimum wage job at a warehouse club. A few years later, he wasted more money by going to a broadcasting school. Twenty some years later, he has never been a DJ (besides college radio at 2 a.m.)
I'm just amazed at how often someone will tell me their daughter is majoring in dance or something similar in college. Really? You are going to spend over $100,000 for a degree in dance? I just don't get it. Then again, if everyone was like me and my own children, the streets of Hollywood would be empty and no one would be there to wait on our table, should we ever visit.
My parents went through that with my sister. She was convinced she was going to be an opera star (could have been pop, but she was into broadway and opera at the time). Trying not to discourage the music, yet encourage a degree that might provide a livable income, my folks suggested that she go into music education. It has worked so far.
ReplyDeleteI actually went to HS with a guy who went on to become a 2-time All-SEC basketball player at Vanderbilt, and played in the NBA - he rode the bench for a year (which has always stood for me as a marker of just how elite NBA players are, 'cuz this guy was a phenomenal HS player). Then he moved on to making a living by more conventional means (altho the living he makes largely trades on his name recognition as a one-time college basketball star; which is nice, if you can get it. . .)
ReplyDeleteAnother HS friend pursued baseball - he was pretty much a career minor-leaguer, but did spend parts of three seasons in the majors (2 of 'em w/ the Indians). Today he's a minor-league manager, whose name occasionally comes up for vacant major-league managing jobs.
My brother always aspired to be a concert promoter, and actually did do a couple shows, of mid-level-type bands in the Chicago area. But he never could make a permanent go of it, and has mostly scuffled for his daily bread his whole life. . .
You pays yer money, and you makes yer choice. And then you lives with the consequences. . .
Both my parents were very much realists, therefore after seeing me perform in various shows and telling them that I wanted to go to acting school in NYC to pursue a career in the theater, if they thought I had no talent they would have being very direct with me.
ReplyDeleteThey totally nurtured and supported my passion for acting, but wisely suggested that I have something else to fall back on to suppliment my income in between acting jobs.
sigh, yes we are having some discussions. daughter who is a senior asked what i thought of her majoring in ancient history. i said get a marketable degree and maybe do the history gig as a minor. gotta be able to get a job that keeps food in the belly but also gotta feed the soul somehow,
ReplyDeleteRuss - I'm glad it worked for her. We sort of discouraged middle child from that route as music and art teaching jobs are few and far between around here.
ReplyDeleteCraig - Well, my own FIL played basketball for a team that makes it to March Madness every year, but that was back in the day. I think sports are tougher to break into now with kids starting at age 5, having private coaches, and only concentrating on one sport. But who am I to kill a dream :)
Ron - Your stories about your parents are fantastic. After having lived the life you have, do you ever give advice to young adults starting out in the business? What percentage of them would you say have real talent? It is an interesting topic to me.
Lime - My husband has already told our son he won't pay for a liberal arts degree. I suppose there are going to be a lot of unhappy people in STEM careers this century!
I have another brother who is a gifted artist, but Dad pushed him to get a degree that might provide a better living for him. So he studied Wildlife Management, only to discover that the park-ranger jobs he was qualified for are even rarer than good-paying art jobs. So he poured concrete for a few years (Dad worked for a cement company, so we all grew up knowing how to pour concrete). Which eventually led to his current gig doing concrete sculptures of wildlife (mostly for museums, but also the concrete lions, or what-have-you that some folks have on their porches)
ReplyDeleteI also know a guy who wanted to be a musician, but his dad pushed him into engineering; he has spent his whole life in a great engineering job that he hates. . .
So - whatchagonnado?
Some folks are amazing ... I see those commercials about toddler pagents and if I'm ever provoked to commit murder it may well be related to that should I witness it 1-on-1.
ReplyDeleteI hate folks who ruin kids ....
I lost a couple high school friends because they asked my opinion of their prospects. "you're really good but it will take a lot more to get you to the pros" apparently was not the right answer .....
Liberal arts degrees are worthwhile as stepping stones to graduate degrees. That's my story - a BA in psychology, then a master's in social psychology then a Ph.D.in clinical psychology. Voila, marketable degree.
ReplyDeleteThat video is horrible. An autotuned kid with a gratingly terrible voice, inane lyrics ("Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards."), who travels to clubs with a band of illegally driving 13-year-old hooker wannabes and whose biggest existential question is which seat she can take in the car. HOW did this song become so popular?
First, I made the mistake of watching this video last week after reading a news blurb about it. Dear God...and then if that wasn't bad enough (and it is BAD!), I made the mistake of asking my sons last night if they'd heard the song. Naturally, they rushed home and ran to YouTube and watched it, so I had to hear the poetry that is "Yesterday was Thursday, then comes Saturday, blah, blah, blah...FRIED EGG, FRIED EGG, FRIED EGG (because that's what it sounds like she's saying)" a few times while the boys retched. P.S. honey, maybe rather than worrying about whether you'll be sitting in the front or back seat, worry about putting a damn seatbelt on! Thankfully, this won't get much more play in my house!
ReplyDeleteAll that said, my oldest, since kindergarten, has said he will be and only wants to be a professional basketball player, and since kindergarten, I've been telling him "That's a great dream, honey, and I'd support you any way possible to achieve it, but in the meantime, what other, more realistic ideas might you have for your future?"
Jeez. Thankfully I'd missed the video, until you posted it, you evil evil maniac!
ReplyDeleteDreams are great- and sometimes, they happen; My brother decided at 16, after seeing the Nutcracker performed, to take up ballet. (Gasp, shock, from my parents who just *knew* he'd never be able to "do anything" with that)... Except go on to several companies, professionally supporting himself and his wife... and now they run a growing ballet school.
But, I do like the practical part, too- he *also* was wise enough to get a degree in somethingor other, and go on to law school, because the career of a dancer is short. Balance the dream with a fallback, and go for it :)
Xavier - Yes, Toddlers & Tiaras is about the worst display of parenting, ever!
ReplyDeleteAgent - My kids have pretty much accepted the fact that they will eventually need Master's degrees if they ever hope to live in the way they've grown accustomed to!
FADKOG - My fave part of the song is the 'We so excited' because dropping helping verbs is soooo cool!
Sailor - You're welcome! Hahah.
And cool story about your brother!