My oldest daughter has a serious boyfriend...............and I will admit to having some difficulty with it. Not that I wasn't already married by the time I was her age. It's just (sigh) weird.
After the first time we met the boyfriend (and had been hearing rave reviews from daughter for six weeks), I privately shared with my husband that I was less than impressed. My husband, in his usual voice of reason, gave some of these responses to me:
"At least he has a job!"
"He was nice." (What the hell does that even mean?)
"No visible piercings or scary tattoos!"
"He seemed well spoken."
"YOU don't have to date him!"
What's my real problem? I think it's just the old generation gap. I still picture the dating scene as this:
When in reality, it looks more like this:
After the first time we met the boyfriend (and had been hearing rave reviews from daughter for six weeks), I privately shared with my husband that I was less than impressed. My husband, in his usual voice of reason, gave some of these responses to me:
"At least he has a job!"
"He was nice." (What the hell does that even mean?)
"No visible piercings or scary tattoos!"
"He seemed well spoken."
"YOU don't have to date him!"
What's my real problem? I think it's just the old generation gap. I still picture the dating scene as this:
Months have passed, and I've grown used to the boyfriend. In fact, conversations with my husband tend to go like this:
"I sure hope she's nicer to him than she is to us!" and "How does he put up with her?"
As I recall, the dating scene in the first movie was pretty screwed up!
ReplyDeleteMy older son has a serious girlfriend who essentially lives with him when he's at school. She's a very sweet girl and they seem happy together, but it still feels a little bittersweet. Maybe you're never quite ready for your kids to grow up.
I can't get past the dumpy look. It's fine if you are sitting around the house, but if you are going to a nice restaurant, have a little pride in your appearance (and I lump my own daughter in this category).
DeleteInteresting. . .
ReplyDeleteLo and behold, our eldest, after spending 10 years on losers and 'sick puppies', is finally dating solid guys, these last few months. In fact, I've got to watch myself, cause at least one of 'em, I'd really love to bring into the family right now; he and I click real nice. 'Course, I'm not the one who'd have to live with him, so I've gotta go easy on that account. But, at 31, she might just finally be getting her s**t together. . .
Pray for us. . .
;)
That is some good news! I know you've been through the wringer the past decade or so. Hope this upward trend continues!
DeleteOMG...I LOVED your last line...
ReplyDelete"I sure hope she's nicer to him than she is to us!" and "How does he put up with her?"
Bwhahahahahahaha! BRILLIANTLY HILARIOUS!!!!
And I ADORED your husbands responses. OMG...they made me laugh out loud!
Now as you know, I don't have children of my own but I think I would feel the same as you. It's hard for most parents to come to the realization that their children are growing up. I don't think you're ready for it. Also, I think a parent wants the best for their children, so perhaps it's that you're looking out for them.
Loved the movie, St Elmo's Fire! Gosh, I can still remember seeing that for the first time!
Have a FABU weekend, my friend!
X
Glad we can entertain you, Ron! We are a real comedy duo, let me tell you.
DeleteSince I'm a first born, I can say with authority and humbleness, it is difficult to be in a relationship with a first born. My oldest is so much like me, it's a painful look in the mirror sometimes. I truly wonder how anyone puts up with her. I've at least learned to curb my 'issues' though my husband my disagree with that! Hahaha
Oh boy. Good luck with that.
ReplyDeleteI am taking notes.
My elder is doing the high school dating thing for the first time and even though I like the girl it is still... well, ya know.
I suggested that he just not bother with dating until after college but he didn't like that idea. I still like it though.
My son didn't date in high school (that we are aware of) and it sure made life easier! We are now worried he will bring home some skank from college...bahahaha!
Deleteit's a weird thing. there have been no serious long-term relationships among our kids. one is aching for it. one keeps batting away suitors. the boy, i think has been so mercilessly ragged on by his sisters that when the time comes i suspect he will be very quiet.
ReplyDeleteglad your daughter's bf has grown on you since he seems to be a nice guy.
Oh Lime, you gave me a chuckle with that last line!
DeleteSince we have the same family dynamics, I hear what you are saying about the boy being quiet......we get zippo from ours in that regard.
Ahh, so you're on the first step of the weirdness huh? BTDT, and the beat goes on.
ReplyDeleteWe're just a few steps down the road ..... and it gets better every day. Tonight we're finishing up the better part of a day with the nearly newly weds and were just saying that we kinda like this kinda weird.
Weird, huh?
(I know I haven't shared a lot about all of this with the consent decree and all but we know where you're at)
Thanks for sharing in the weirdness!
Delete... and just for the record, we had lotsa doubts about boy followed by sorry feelin' followed by admiration. Glad our trip took these near 4 years, woulda been a lot to reconcile in a shorter span.
DeleteHi Bijoux,
ReplyDeleteI do not have any peer wisdom here( I don't have children) but think that with all stages of life it is just easing into the new "terrtories" step by step.
Initial fear and anxiety will receed to bring a common ground for everyone.
See where you are psychologically in 1 month, 6 months and even 1 year and watch for the growth!
Great advice, Barb. We are five months in and I'm feeling a lot better already. Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteWow, Bijoux, things sure turned around pretty quickly. You went from being less than thrilled about the boyfriend to feeling sorry for the guy!
ReplyDeleteStill, it's a weird feeling. I have two nieces and even though they are adults (25 and 18 yrs old) they're still babies to me--and should have nothing to do with boys.
I'm an empathetic person, I guess! It's still difficult though when you see your family changing.
Deletewhen my 9 year old get's her first boyfriend, i'm pretty sure i'll be asking "How does he put up with her?" too.
ReplyDelete(surely my parents-in-law must have asked that very question - and if they didn't they should have!! or they should have at least warned me.)
Hahaha......is the 9 year old your oldest? I'm thinking we would have said the same thing about our oldest when she was 9, and younger!
DeleteLuckily my parents had no objection when I started living with Jenny - either to her or the living-together. If they'd objected, would I have been strong enough to take no notice? I hope so, but I couldn't be certain.
ReplyDeleteGlad you've grown used to the boyfriend. But does that actually mean happy with the boyfriend?
He's fine....just not my type! And maybe that's a good thing!
DeleteThere are certainly an abundance of views and ideas about dating. Generational, cultural, and gender influences. Limited judging works good. Not suggesting this applies to your case but doesn't the rebel against the parents and date someone they will hate play a role in screwing up young people's lives?
ReplyDeleteBTW I never fully liked initially anyone of the people my kids have dated. I've grown to liked the ones that lasted.
you said my comment went to your email but not on the post. Did you check the spam bucket on blogger? I've had odd things happen with comments on but blogger and DISQUS
ReplyDelete