I don't even remember the joke, but it was one of those sex jokes that make no sense, and was probably made up by a 5th grader. We did talk to our daughter about it, asked her where she had heard the joke (another teammate), and told her that she shouldn't be telling jokes that she doesn't understand in the first place.
Ironically, about eight years later, I saw some inappropriate (more like 'ick') photos on the internet of the girl whose mother had called me. I have an old friend who is a commercial photographer and does promo shots for nightclubs, and I happened to be looking at his website. However, I didn't phone her parents to let them know their 18 year old daughter must have a fake ID and cozies up to 45 year old men, hoping to get her picture taken.
Even if you are not a parent, you have likely come across a relative's or friend's teen or young adult doing something online that is not a good idea. Some real life examples I have faced lately:
17 year old nephew tweeting not-so-nice comments about teachers in his school district during a six week teacher strike.
College freshman son of a friend who has tons of beer pong photos and various levels of drunkenness posted on his Facebook account for all the world to see.
Another 18 year old son of a friend whose every tweet has the f-word and who seems to hate everything about his life, despite going to a very expensive private college and majoring in what he loves. I seriously want to slap the kid.
Obviously, I stalk people . . . LOL! My own kids know not to post things online that they wouldn't want me to see. I don't know if other kids are that dumb that they don't realize that there are other parents out there who check up on their own kids, and then follow a few links to see what their kids' friends and followers are doing. Or maybe they just don't care?
And I'm also not sure if parents really want to know what their kids are doing online. How hard is it to set up a Twitter account or Facebook account, or for that matter, just google your kid's name? Personally, I don't feel that it's my place or business to tattle on someone else's child. However, I have casually mentioned to other paren's that I check up on my own kids on social media sites. The response is usually, "I don't have time for Twitter, etc." Okay!
Honestly, I don't know if it even matters what kids put out there. I have no idea if employers or colleges check up on potential employees or students during the application process. I think if I was deciding between a couple of candidates, I probably would look them up online. And I certainly feel differently about a few of my own children's friends after seeing what they have exposed online.
I don't have kids, but if I did I suppose my reaction would depend on the content of what was posted. I would certainly have a word with my kid over the derogatory comments about teachers, but I guess the other two examples are just adolescent stupidity which doesn't really matter very much.
ReplyDeleteI can't help thinking a lot of this extreme behaviour must be inspired by the very extreme opinions and personal attacks that are now routine in the media.
Yes, I definitely think they feed off of each other. Extreme is the new normal.
DeleteAWESOME post! And I love your post title!
ReplyDeleteDoesn't it amaze you how different it was when we were kids, and how are biggest concern was perhaps passing an inappropriate paper note to another student in class and having the teacher catch us and then reading it out loud to the class? However now, it's being caught saying something inappropriate on the Internet.
The thing that's scary about the Internet is that whatever is said is there FOREVER.
I have no idea if places of employment or colleges even check for online interactions before hiring or during a student application process, but it makes you think twice about saying something, doesn't it?
Another thing about online socializing is that (like you shared in your third example) kids say things to each other that they wouldn't normally say to their parents, so it's gotta be shocking to read when found.
Hope you had a great weekend, my friend!
X
I wonder about all this lack of respect and how it carries over to other relationships. The filter is gone for most people these days!
DeleteLeaving kids to work in internet at the early age is not advisable according to me. If we allow them online then we must be careful in them all the times. Now all the information are open to all in online. Taking care of kids is a great job.
ReplyDeleteWhen our kids were young, the rule was that the computer is in the area of the house where everyone can see it. Now people give their kids smartphones and wonder why their 12 year old is addicted to porn. But that's another topic!
DeleteI do think employers check applicants' online presences (in some cases, anyhow), so it's good to play a defensive game that way. Also, I agree with you that it's not our job to tattle on teens' poor choices...but it does get more sticky if the kid in question is, say, 13, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteI suppose that the best thing to do would be to take your reaction to the teen in question and treat him/her like an adult. It might not go well, but then again, it might.
It seems idiotic that these kids don't set their preferences to private, but maybe it's because they truly don't care who reads it. I think the only one I'd feel comfortable approaching is my nephew, but the strike was last spring, so it's long over. Now he's just back to his usual drama.
DeleteI think you're doing the right thing, Bijoux. Kids have to understand that the stuff they post online is not going to disappear and that it can have serious consequences later in life.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm really only talking to my own kids about it. Fortunately, they seem to be heeding my advice, for once!
DeleteTrue story- we've had many many parents attempt (quite unsuccessfully) to explain to us that our cyber 'stalking' of our children was somehow wrong, maybe even abuse.
ReplyDeleteStupid.
That they challenged us, that is. You know, jury is still out on who's parenting is most indicated but we know what we believe. Ya know?
Better you doing the stalking than other people!
Deleteno doubt. and as I've noted in past years i have had any number of facebook 'friends' that i have tossed aside because they actively push inappropriate photos and other pieces of personal info about their children and refuse to at least add some level of security to reduce the proliferation.
Deletei've seen far too many teen and pre-teen bikini, nighty, and even twerking shots .... from parents sharing and set for access by anyone or at least friends of friends. lotsa nasty people lurking out there so shut it down folks!
My son won't be my friend on FB... hmm... wonder why?? haha Well, he's 20 so I don't ask him too much about his posts. I don't know that they are anything too bad or my daughter would have probably told me.
ReplyDeleteOne time not all that long ago, I made a comment to my girlfriend about something her daughter posted. I guess it got back to her, although it wasn't anything bad that she posted or that I said, but the girl deleted me. I don't miss seeing her in my feed.
I do a little stalking but of no one in particular sometimes. I might just be reading someone's post comments on FB and click on a name and if their page isn't private I'll look around.
A 20 year old not wanting to be FB friends is understandable. I don't friend my MIL! My problem is more that they don't put their settings on private and then post inappropriate things.
DeleteI've had a few kids try to friend me to up their count, back in the day when the number was on the side of the FB page. Um, NO.
I have to agree that what people put out online is sometimes way too personal and too vulgar. I dont get why people do it. However I guess sometimes its easier to hide behind a computer screen doing these things than to do them in person so people dont think about it all that much. I think the parents should be taking a more active roll in what their kids are doing online but what do I know? I dont have kids!
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that many parents seem to throw their hands up in the air and give up regulating their kids by about sixth grade, when truthfully, that's the time to start more active parenting.
DeleteOn the plus side, I suppose, this will keep some of the stupid ones from being Supreme Court justices, down the line. . .
ReplyDeleteOr, you know, maybe it will be like pot-smoking is for my generation - everybody did it, so if toking up back in the day were a disqualifier, there wouldn't be any candidates left. . .
Hahaha...I like your take on it, Craig!
Deletethank crikey i don't move in the social media sphere - can't say i've really heard anything too positive about it.
ReplyDelete(mind you, if you asked my wife i'm sure she'd tell you that our kids are exposed to enough knobbery at home via their father it would be all my fault)
Your kids might be a bit too young for it. Facebook seems to have gone by the wayside for the younger crowd. Not it's Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and Vine. Good luck!
DeleteI honestly don't know what I'm going to do when my kids start going on Facebook and the like. Egad. It is crazy. My own niece has SUCH a foul mouth on her Facebook page and my SIL doesn't seem to mind at all. It is madness to me. If that were my daughter I would shut that down ASAP. But alas, I mind my own business and make little comments like, "My virgin ears!" after one of her foul mouth tirades. It seems that kids can't grasp the "there is a time and a place" concept these days. Then again, with all the Miley Cyrus' and Kardashians acting like idiots out there I suppose this isn't a surprise. UGH.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope the overshare world we are living in gets old for everyone and people start respecting boundaries again.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who is disturbed by a young relative's FB page!
Deleteonce upon a time, parents could discipline children who did not belong to them. not so much today. if my daughter is doing something wrong, i wouldn't mind another person saying something to her, but they better be nice about it and then let me know. right now my kid doesn't have a social network anything, she's 14 and i don't think she needs it, but with supervision (meaning i would have the password) to look at what she is posting and whom she's talking to..need to know who the friends are. i do trust her, so i wouldn't be snooping, but as long as she knows i can check any time, hopefully she will think before she posts. i'm 42 and i never post anything i can't read in front of my mother.
ReplyDeleteThings have definitely changed as far as saying something to another person's child. Good for your daughter and you to stay away from the nonsense!
DeleteI think it does matter. I google people if I am going to be in a business relationship with them and hmmmmm....... forewarned is forearmed!
ReplyDelete