Dysfunctional Family Bingo

Recently, I read an article on how to survive family-related holiday stress.  Useful information for many (if not all) of us!  Here are some of the suggestions:

1. Place cards at table for meals you are hosting.  This is helpful when you only have two people who don't get along.  Just put them at opposite ends of the table and keep them occupied by strategically-placed jabbermouths.  I've also used this method for seating myself next to the people I actually want to have a conversation with.

2.  Deciding with spouse/children in advance what time you will leave an event.  Near the end of our time when we spent Christmas day with extended family (stopped doing that about 8 years ago), we did use this method and it saved us a lot of stress.  When you know you are going to leave at a set time, you can sit back and watch the clock and bide your time.  Also useful when you have kids who either do or don't want to leave.  Knowing in advance that you are leaving at 5 pm takes away the question.

3.  Setting a time limit on invitations.  This might work for functional families.  It did not work for ours.  Sending out a Christmas Day invitation (WHO does that to family members?) that says you are welcome to come from 1-3 pm is just asking for trouble, in my opinion.  Some people actually have other obligations and can't be there at an appointed time on Christmas Day.  And others look at it as rude to expect a family with young children to drive an hour and be asked to leave after two hours to drive back home.  Since I was already at the point of using #2 by the time this happened, I was fine with it!

4.  Plan a family game.  This is possibly the worst suggestion out of the four.  Games never ended well at any family event I have attended.  Siblings will accuse the others of cheating (yes, even when said siblings are in their 40's), unfortunate incidents that took place in the 1970's will be hauled out for rehashing, siblings will claim that the games were rigged, and let's not even bring up prizes.

The article suggested that to relieve some of the stress ahead of time, you and a trusted family member (in my case, my spouse) can develop a secret bingo card in advance.  Brainstorm together and come up with the expected major stressors.  Some of ours would be:

Criticism of parenting (over protective, spoiling, too strict, etc.)

Comments about me being the only one with free time because I'm a stay-at-home mom, so that's why I'm the only one to bring a homemade dish to family events.

Drunk people yelling loudly about politics.

Being made fun of because I'm protestant.

Children put down because they attended public schools, not Catholic schools.

Children being pushed to accept alcoholic beverages at the age of 12.

Children receiving inappropriate gifts (makeup for a 5 year old, iTunes gift card for teen who doesn't own an ipod).

Attempts to get you to pick a fight with your spouse, because you actually love and respect your spouse, unlike the majority of the room's couples.

I'll stop there because I think you get the picture.  Fill up your bingo card with these expectations and then mentally play the game with your trusted companion at the event.  I'm sure there's some psychology behind this method of setting yourself up ahead of time and being able to laugh about it when it really does happen.  We haven't tried this yet, but I'm prepared for the next family gathering.  Because even without Christmas, there are birthday parties, 50th anniversary parties, weddings and funerals.

You're welcome!