The Secret Life

My son is a very private person. My joke has always been that he will call us from Vegas some day, announcing his marriage, and we will be like, 'We didn't even know you were dating anyone!'

I recall a phone call he received in fourth grade (landline days), where he put his hand over the mouthpiece and asked me if he could have dinner over at 'Lacey's' house (not real name) Friday night. My reaction was, 'Who the hell is Lacey???' She was some girl in his class and she wanted to do magic tricks with him (no, not a euphemism). He packed up his magic supplies and I drove him over there later that week. The pushy little blonde answered the door and escorted us inside. When I met the mom, she seemed to know all about my son, whereas I knew next to nothing about her daughter.

And so it continued . . . years of finding out he had been named 'Citizen of the Month' only by reading the school newsletter, a friendship with an international student when I came across the touching goodbye card in his room, all sorts of new restaurants he had tried by finding the receipts or paper menus in his car after he had left for college. Then there was the time our missing-for-three-years Twister Game magically appeared in his room after he came home from college last summer.

The most irritating moment came when I was chaperoning a high school band trip and another mom asked me if my son was worried when he was called to the assistant principal's office earlier that week about the DISAPPEARANCE of one of his best friends?? Yes, I was a little embarrassed to profess my complete ignorance about the whole situation. I guess his friend had 'run away' for about 24 hours on bicycle, but had then returned on his own. As you can imagine, the parents had called the school and asked them to question his friends, etc.

Later, when I asked my son why he hadn't bothered to mention any of this to us, he said he didn't know where his friend had gone or any other details, so he didn't think it was important! I told him any time he is questioned by school authorities, he needs to tell us!! Seriously? You begin to question your parenting skills at this point.

And so he has made it 20 years in life without telling us much of anything. He will occasionally confide in his oldest sister, but I only know this because she can be a bit of a blabbermouth. And so in January, THE DAY AFTER we drop him off for the semester, my daughter tells me that he texted her and said he has a girlfriend. Well, that was fast? I asked her when he was planning on telling me about this?

Apparently, it took her over a week of convincing him that he should tell mom and dad, because that's how long it took . . . by text, of course. I told him that sort of news deserved a phone call, which he at least responded to quickly with a call that wasn't all that informative. She is someone he has been friends with for a year, and surprisingly, I did know her by name. My daughter immediately planned a trip to see him and meet the girlfriend. It's taken my husband and me a lot longer, but we finally drove down there last weekend to spend the day with them, and Middle Child came along as well.

We had a lovely time, visiting a huge outdoor mall (more like a small town), eating at a French restaurant, and then driving to the city's art gallery district to walk around and get some specialty ice cream. The day was brisk, but it was wonderful to be outdoors. They never let go of each other's hands, which was both sweet and bizarre, coming from a kid who is so very private. She was a very nice young woman, soft-spoken, but very confident. I have to say, they make a nice couple.

My oldest texted me while we were driving home to find out how the day had gone. Actually, her exact text read, "So was she good enough for your (insert my affectionate nickname for my son)?" I responded with, "Oh, I suuupppooossseee....." Because as confounding as he can be, he really never gave us any trouble and it has been a delight to watch him grow up.

(I will do a post next week with some photos from the places we visited because I really have nothing else to write about)