The other day, a friend of mine summarized something she’d heard somewhere, and I love it. I LOVE IT SO HARD. “You know one hundred percent of your own life,” she said. “But on social media, you only share the best five percent of it: your baby’s first steps, your trip to the Bahamas, your graduation day. That’s all anyone else sees. It’s fascinating to keep up with those things, for sure. But it’s also why Facebook can be so discouraging: we compare one hundred percent of our own life to THE BEST five percent of everyone else’s.”
So when #LoveYourSpouse started trending, I watched curiously — and then awaited the inevitable nomination with a tiny undercurrent of dread. LOOK AT ALL THE SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE! LOOK AT ALL THE METICULOUSLY STAGED WEDDING PHOTOS! Everyone’s life was perfect. Everyone’s relationship was spotless. Everyone’s marriage consisted only of bliss and miracles and ecstasy and joyous, shimmering unicorn tears, and just that day I’d fought with my husband about something so ridiculous I couldn’t even remember how it started.
Let me preface this by saying that NO, I don't participate in challenges like the #LoveYourSpouse one. But yes, I have posted vacation photos, graduation photos, and the like on facebook and blogger, for that matter. I don't think any of you believe my life is perfect because of that, do you?
I guess what bugs me about the blog post is that I don't understand what the writer expects her friends to post about. Does she really expect friends to post about the bad news received at the last doctor appointment? About her neighbor's surprise find of porn on the family computer? Mug shots of her cousin's son-in-law? Is it really appropriate to share your personal problems for the whole world to see??
When I'm on social media, the last thing I'm worried about is whether someone has a better life than I do. And I'm not here to 'one up' anyone else. I share what I feel like sharing and I imagine that everyone else does the same. It doesn't lull me into a false sense of thinking everybody's life is rainbows and lollipops. But if someone wants to share a photo of a special evening they had with someone they love, I'm happy to read about it and I rejoice in their good fortune.
So, if you want to post your wedding photo from 1988, I say bring it on! Because who doesn't want to laugh at the big hair and tacky bridesmaids dresses of yesteryear?
I guess that blog was just trying to be funny and they may have a point, but not a very good one. Those Facebook posts never bother me either, you're right, who wants to see negative stuff posted. If you are depressed, don't go on Facebook or read Christmas letters.
ReplyDeleteApparently, there was quite a backlash against the LoveYourSpouse challenge. Because, heaven forbid, anyone sends a positive message out into the universe!
DeleteLOL on the Xmas letters!
I love seeing the pictures that people post. I think it gives us more information about them, let's us get to know them better.
ReplyDeleteI love seeing the pictures too, because most people I'm friends with locally, I didn't know until the mid-late 90's, when my kids started school.
DeleteWell, the Love Your Spouse challenge is a lot better than a love fest on Presidential Candidates or a hate-filled post about those who are destroying America. I get so tired of the political on facebook. That said, if I "loved my spouse" on facebook, my life would be in danger the next time I saw her.
ReplyDeleteI can't take the politics either! Have unfollowed many people and now just wish them a happy birthday when I get the notification!
DeleteI guess I don't want to know about your last sentence!?
It's okay, maybe I should have said that I'd be dead if I tried to post something like that. She doesn't like that kind of public attention.
DeleteYou've done a good job then because I didn't know you were even married!
DeleteWell that cat may post about the porn one haha hell he'd post about anything. But yeah, really? What are you supposed to post about? The doctor with their hand up your butt? Now there's some visuals that will make that 5% be forgotten lol
ReplyDeleteThat blog writer posted a few photos of her fighting with her husband and said that's a real portrayal of marriage. It was really bizarre.
DeleteI've been blogging with you for many, many years and I've never once thought that your life was all rainbows and lollipops because even though you do post vacation, wedding, and graduation photographs, you've posted them without any insinuation that "See, my life is all perfect." You've posted them with a sense of genuineness and casualness.
ReplyDeleteI have always felt that I know you very well, without having to know every single detail of your life.
I think blogging is a balance of how much a person will share and how much they decide to keep private.
Being someone who loves camera's, photography and pictures, I enjoy seeing photographs of people I blog with because it makes it more personal. But I also realize that some details of their lives they choose to keep private, and I respect that.
Have a SUPER weekend, my friend!
X
Thanks, Ron, I remember being drawn to your blog because of your genuine, heartfelt comments on someone else's blog (can't remember who now?). I'm with you in that I respect what others want to keep private.
DeleteYou have a great weekend, too!
OK, since you asked. . .
ReplyDeleteVery retro!
DeleteYou must have very different Facebook friends from me, because mine often post negative things as well as the positive. How forgetful they are, or how they ruined the evening meal or dented the car. That doesn't seem strange to me, that's what people's lives are like. Of course there are still things we keep to ourselves like our sex lives or our marital quarrels. But no, I don't see you as perfect because you post beautiful vacation photos or graduation pics. That would be very naive.
ReplyDeleteWell, the blog-o-sphere has gotten a god deal tamer (and saner) than when I started, ten years ago. Back then, people hardly blogged about anything but their sex lives. . .
DeleteNick, I do have plenty of friends who post about career problems and such. And then there are those who do the cryptic thing, which kind of annoys me. I guess it's their way of relieving stress.
DeleteIt just seems to be a common complaint that people's lives can't possibly be as happy as they portray on Facebook.
Craig, yes, I remember those days. I guess folks have wised up and realized that this stuff can be out there forever!
DeleteI agree that one shouldn't get into too much personal detail on Facebook or blogs. I like seeing happy pictures, but don't want to hear about the fantastic sex someone had last night. Equally, if people are going through a rough time, I want to cheer them up or wish them well, but I'm not interested in reading how many polyps their colonoscopy showed.
ReplyDeleteI think people tend to hold back on the bad news because it quickly can sound like whining. And let's face it - we all like to share happy news.
Oh - and absolutely in agreement on sarcasm and demotivational memes; I love to see those!
DeleteExactly. I have empathy for those who are suffering, but weekly updates on someone's autoimmune disorder (yes, a fb friend of mine does this) is over the top.
DeleteAnd they say we Germans don't have a sense of humor! Ha!
German? Are you German?
DeleteYes, that is my ancestry.
DeleteI have to admit, I'm one that shares the good, the bad, the ugly on social media, but rarely the complete details for the sake of privacy of others. Sometimes I just need to get things out, probably because I work at home and have limited social contact with other people other than the connections made online. I'm sometimes afraid to say too much good on social media because I think it could be an omen then that something might happen that is bad (yet I know that is just a superstition and not biblically true).
ReplyDeleteSocial media is great but people have to be careful with what they share on it. I cringe when people reveal a lot of their private details, names of kids, kids schools, etc., on it, especially blogs when we have no idea who is reading them.
I rarely participate in any challenges on Facebook, may or may not on my blog depending on any particular day.
I write what strikes me, but rarely completely ever the whole truth.
betty
I've never thought you posted anything inappropriate and you definitely respect the privacy of others. It can be lonely when one is working at home and social media helps with that.
Deleteamazing post, yes I agree post what you should. We are here to enjoy, share and write. (rant too ?)
ReplyDeleteI would post the pics of my vacation or post about something if I'm upset. This our- yours, mine zone!
You always seem like an upbeat person to me, even when you are not happy with your work out regime that week :)
DeleteEnjoy and respond to what you like, ignore or respond to what you don't, and never lose your grip on reality.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts!
DeleteHer neighbor's surprise find of porn on the family computer? Why would that come as a surprise?
ReplyDeleteMaybe her kids get up at 6 am?
DeleteI love this post, Bijoux! I honestly enjoy looking at photos of my friends' grandkids or old wedding pictures. There's plenty of misery on the evening news if that's what you're into. So let's all rejoice in each other's good fortune whenever we get the chance!
ReplyDeleteFriends' grandkids . . , yes, how can we be that old??? Hope your week has some good fortune in it!
DeleteFace book reminds me of the Christmas letter. I am not on Facebook but all my siblings are. Therefore I am excused from having to rave about how "pretty " all the ladies looked on a certain occasion when I know half of thee hair are not their own and the face make up made them look like a China doll. I am not bitter but I see more beauty. On freshly washed face and hair.☺
ReplyDeleteNot being on social media works, too!
DeleteNice post. We only post what's real. You soon get found out if you don't.
ReplyDeleteTruthfulness is always the best way to go.
DeleteThat would be good for laugh - wedding photos from 1988.
ReplyDeleteI saw one old wedding picture(s) where the groom is with his cooling glasses on. Some how he though (at that time) that it was the in thing !!
I'm not sure what cooling glasses are!
DeleteI, like you, am drawn to sarcastic people and shy away from motivational speeches. I find them annoying.
ReplyDeleteBut I would much rather see someone's lovely, happy, uplifting photos/posts than hear constant bitching and complaining. I have seen hundreds of Love You Spouse photos and never once did I assume that the pictures implied marital bliss.
I guess sometimes people just like to complain for complainings sake.
A good summary of my feelings!
DeleteI share a lot on FB, mostly good. An occasional rant. A few snarky memes. Some political, but not too much because it's stressful seeing it all day every day on others' pages. Lots of pictures. Since I don't have a huge friend list there or here I don't mind sharing the photos. Wow, couldn't even guess how many albums I have there. I have always liked blogging with pictures too. Sometimes I participate with theme things on FB.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog. Well, when I manage to get here to read it. lol You have a nice blend of topics, always interesting things to read. I'm sure you're that way on FB too. :)