1. Invitation must include paperless rsvp (by text message) and couple's personal wedding website address.
2. Website gives detailed story of how they met, photos of themselves at exotic hiking locations (think Thailand, not Utah), food porn from celebrity chef restaurants they frequent, and gift registry at Pottery Barn and Anthropologie.
3. Registry items will range from copper Moscow Mule mugs to $249 flax linen sheet sets.
4. Wedding venue will be outdoors or at a historical site.
5. Officiant may be either friend of bride/groom or another random person who got 'ordained' on the internet.
6. There's a good chance the officiant will come in mismatched thrift store clothing, giving a subtle air of homelessness.
7. Bride and groom will write their own vows and attendants will share some lengthy, personal stories about the couple that will make no sense to anyone not in the bridal party.
8. Readings will be either poetry or excerpts from obscure novels.
9. There will be at least one male bridesperson and one female groomsperson.
10. When ceremony concludes, you will wonder if it was actually legal.
11. At the reception, you will be swimming in a sea of vintage jewelry, facial hair, tattoos, bow ties and suspenders.
12. Table markers will consist of urban hipster locations that the couple loves.
13. Food will be organic, sustainable, farm-to-table fare.
14. The newlyweds may cut their own personal, small wedding cake. Guests will enjoy a plethora of miniature cupcakes flavored with delicacies such as Himalayan sea salt and Meyer lemons. However, there MUST be macaroons!
15. The music will make you feel like you are on the set of Mad Men. You will wonder, 'What happened to Mumford & Sons?'
16. Honeymoon will be at a later date to a destination such as Vietnam.
17. You will leave realizing that you actually had a great time!
I think we may be going to a partial hipster wedding in a few weeks, you described my interpretation of parts of my sons wedding coming up.
ReplyDeleteWell then, I look forward to your own descriptions! Enjoy!
DeleteThat's hilarious. I've been to several weddings and receptions and don't wish to go to another. lol
ReplyDeleteWe didn't have any to attend for a long time, but now we are back on the guest list, thanks to friends' kids getting married. And each time, it gets progressively weirder!
DeleteVery funny! I have not yet been to one quite this hipster, but I'm guessing it will just be a matter of time. As long as they still give us old codgers a chance to make fools of ourselves showing everyone how to do "The Twist" i'm good. Also my absolute favorite cookie is an almond macaroon so...
ReplyDeleteOh, you will be very pleased with the macaroon selection! And I believe they call music from previous decades, "ironic," so you will get to hear music you enjoy!
DeleteI've been to a few 'hipster-ish' weddings; no male bridesmaids or female groomsmen yet. . . And they've mainly been church weddings, so readings were from the Bible.
ReplyDeleteBut, as you say, they've been a lot of fun. . .
Yes, I also went to a more religious hipster wedding last year, but it was still outside. Protestants can do that :)
DeleteWe've been to a couple in the last few years. Ours usually include multiple insufferable home-grown videos of the bride, groom, and bridal party ..... like the tributes, mostly insider jokes/stories, but they just go on and on ....
ReplyDeleteThe last one had a 15 minutes video at the start of the ceremony, another 10 in the middle, then 20-some minutes of various videos at the reception.
Party time!
I've heard A LOT of people complain about loooonnnggg best man speeches lately, but I've not suffered through any that bad . . . Yet! Have seen a few videos, one being very odd, featuring many cats. Still though, maybe 10 minutes tops!
DeleteToo funny! It sounds like I would enjoy myself just for the food part.
ReplyDeleteI liked that it was a sit down instead of buffet.
Delete*applause*
ReplyDeleteOh, these are BRILLIANT! I literally laughed out loud at many of these!
" Guests will enjoy a plethora of miniature cupcakes flavored with delicacies such as Himalayan sea salt and Meyer lemons. However, there MUST be macaroons!"
HILARIOUS!
Great post! Well done, my friend!!!!!
X
So glad you enjoyed it! There are times you go to an event and realize what a great blog post the whole thing is.
DeleteAnd have you seen the price of macaroons???
I didn't even know what a hipster was until a few weeks ago, LOL. (I really need to get out more). This would have been an interesting wedding to attend. I'm sure I would have gotten my share of people watching :)
ReplyDeletebetty
The seersucker suit someone wore kept me entertained!
DeleteI haven't been to any weddings for ages, and certainly none of the hipster variety. It all seems obsessively cutting-edge and devoid of all the customary trappings, but it sounds like it was a great success. Weddings just seem to get more and more bizarre!
ReplyDeleteThere's always humor in the fact that the more people try to be 'different' the more they wind up being the same as everyone else.
Deletelmao you had me heading for the hills at food porn pictures. And I'm sure everything was GMO, Gluten, Nut and whatever free, right? Only been to one wedding ever and it was no where near that weird. I suppose would make a great post for the cat though. Much less hassle to elope lol
ReplyDeleteLOL, well this is YOUR generation, Pat, not mine!!! I'm fairly certain the chicken served was free range and the other choice was vegan!
DeleteHopefully, cat will get a wedding invite in the near future ;)
Ha! These are all so true. I would imagine that 80% of the weddings that take place in Portland involve most, if not all, of these rules. And I sometimes wonder if I'm half-hipster myself because of Himalayan sea salt, mismatched thrift store clothes, copper Moscow Mule mugs, and Mumford & Sons.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't want you to be any other way, Mark!
DeleteInteresting! I haven't been to a hipster wedding yet.
ReplyDeleteIt's only a matter of time, Sage.
DeleteI have never thought of weddings would be of any kind but showy and full of hardship and pretentious behaviour . I learned a lot of things today. LOL .
ReplyDeleteGlad I could help out!
DeleteWow, Bijoux, you looks like you did your homework! I love that bit about wondering if the ceremony was actually legal.
ReplyDeleteTwo dear friends of mine got married a few years ago and they had a Wiccan priestess conduct the ceremony.
She was actually a few very nice lady and we danced all night at the reception. And, yes, I had a great time!
Ok, that would have freaked me out.
DeleteInteresting! I haven't been to a hipster wedding yet.
ReplyDeleteผลบอล