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I was having coffee the other day with a friend, whose college-aged son recently moved back home with her. She was telling me how his pet tarantula had escaped from its abode and how it had freaked her out. Freaked out? I would have probably had to be hospitalized.
She was not happy about the situation and wondered what I would have done if my son asked to bring home that sort of pet. I told her that that would never happen because my kids have always known when I will say "NO," so they don't bother with what I would term, 'dumb requests.'
However, there have been a few times when my kids seemed truly astonished by my NO. And, they still bring up those instances, from time to time . . .
The time Mom said NO, you can't skip school for senior skip day (this daughter always fails to mention that she was a junior that year). My son also claims that I told him NO for his senior skip day. As I recall, he had a school tennis match that day, and the district's rule was that if you are absent, you don't play your team sport that day, so it wasn't actually my NO.
Then there was the second grade slumber party that my oldest daughter was invited to. On the invite, it asked parents to call if they had a problem with their child watching Titanic. Ok, I admit, I called! I thought it was stupid that 7 year olds would be watching a 3 hour movie at a party! My kids were still watching Disney movies at that age. Dumb!
The biggest grief I still get is for the time my son was invited to a birthday party for 10 year old boys and he informed me that they were going to go to a local 'haunted house.' Only, I've read all about this so-called haunted house, and it is basically a gore fest, full of disgustingly violent images that I don't even want to write about here. Also, they hire adult males to chase you all over the building. Let's just say I don't trust the vetting process of a fly-by-night operation like that. Big fat NO. Of course, I was the only parent who had a problem with this, but the birthday boy's mother relented and took them to play laser tag. Crazy, but that sounds a bit more appropriate!
Have any of your NO's followed you for the rest of your life?
I still hear about the time I told Melissa No on a dog that she just had to have and would take care of all by herself, you know the drill, she brought the dog home anyway and I loaded both she and the dog up into my truck and took her to return it. It was the end of the world and I don't think I will ever be allowed to forget it. ha ha
ReplyDeleteWell, it's not like you changed your mind! But 2/3 of my kids still bring up the fact that we were a no pet zone!
DeleteI wonder what kind of torture your kids endured enough so that they would even ask you if it was okay to skip on Senior skip day (that day really wasn't that special for me). One of the perks (perhaps the only perk) of having your dad's first name and being called by your second name is that I didn't have any qualms writing me an excuse and signing my first name and handing it in as if my dad had written it (but being honest and not saying anything about who wrote it). It was amazing that I got into college...
ReplyDeleteI never forged a note for myself, but did it for a few other kids because they thought I had really good cursive! Lol
Deletethis daughter always fails to mention that she was a junior that year)"
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA! I laughed out loud when I read that!!
And I agree with you, why would the movie Titanic be shown at a party for second graders?!?!? Not only is it a long movie, but also such an intense and involved story.
Not being a parent, I've never had the NO follow me for the rest of my life when I came to a child. However, I remember saying NO to my mother when she wanted me to take piano lessons when I was a kid because she thought I'd be good at it. But I said NO. And that's a NO I regretted for the longest time because had I listened to her and taken piano lessons, it would have helped me so much many years later when I became a professional actor and sang in musicals because I would have understood how to read music, which would have been a HUGE advantage for me.
Oh boy, saying NO to that must have been a big regret! I said YES to piano lessons, but dropped out of swim lessons twice and didn't learn to swim till I was 16. I'm still not very good.
DeleteNot sure about No's, but I regret a few I do's.
ReplyDeleteBada bum!
DeleteThe one that comes to mind is when a friend of ours with mental health problems turned up on our doorstep wanting to crash with us for a second time. The first time had been horrendous. We thought she would stay for a few days and she stayed for six weeks, talking and smoking virtually non-stop and being endlessly demanding. So I said no, she couldn't stay a second time. She found somewhere else to stay but I still feel guilty for turning her away.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you learned your lesson the first time around, but mental health issues are hard to overcome and I understand why you felt bad saying No.
DeleteHmm. No outright nos, though I urged my daughter very strongly to reconsider getting a pet rat. She did it anyway, and quickly came to regret it. Kids never learn, do they?!
ReplyDeleteQuestion: are you seeing blog updates from me? I switched to a new domain a couple of months ago and I think some readers aren't getting the updates any more. Trying to get to the bottom of this. Thanks!
One of my blogger friends has had many pet rats and they seem awfully cute, but I don't do pets here.
DeleteI'm going to change my reading list to reflect your new domain and I'll let you know.
Aww I love rats. Sorry to hear your daughter regretted having one.
DeleteThe experience might have been more positive if she were fastidious about cleaning the cage. All I remember is the strong odor coming from her room!
DeleteWe don't pay (too much) for the NOs but there weren't that many to begin with as I'm all about the pro-active setting expectations thingy. There are times, however, that I regret having been too staunch on some of the don't-even-go-theres over the years as sometimes the daughters have difficulty appealing to authority because of it. The old rules vs guidelines conundrum. Pirates of the Caribbean made a good example that helped set the record straight ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs I said, my kids rarely made requests that didn't have a snowball's chance, so when I did say NO, they were often surprised.
DeleteWhy the heck would 7 year olds want to watch Titanic anyway? Can they sit still for 3 hours to begin with? Pffft dumb. I wouldn't let any kid go in creepy pedophile wonderland either.
ReplyDeleteAs for nos, can't really think of any that stuck. Or any that I've given that I've lost any sleep over.
As I recall, the girl whose birthday it was happened to be boy crazy at an early age and apparently loved the movie and had seen it multiple times already. I've never even sat through the whole thing!
DeleteThe Titanic, a movie where lots of people suffer a harrowing ordeal and many die? Yeah, great idea for young children!
ReplyDeleteOne of the funniest no's I still hear about is that I said no, I wasn't taking the kids to Disney World even though all their friends had been. I remind them that I DID take them on a safari in Tanzania, hiking in the rain forest in Costa Rica and sailing in the West Indies. But I'm a bad mom because we skipped Disney.
OMG, yes, I heard the same complaint for a long time . . "We are the only kids who have never been to Disney!" Then my son was able to go in high school with marching band and middle child flew down with my husband. My oldest was in college at the time, so she didn't get to go, and yes, we still hear about that.
DeleteHopefully, your sons will some day thank you for taking them around the real world instead of Epcot!
My moms friend had a pet tarantula and I found him quite interesting especially when he molted and the next morning it looked like there were two of them in the cage but it was just his old skin suit. LOL
ReplyDeleteI can't remember ever saying no to something that my daughter brings up now. I was pretty easy going and unless she wanted to do something really weird which thankfully she didn't, I agreed to it. I mean I took in 17 hamsters from her friends in the neighborhood that decided they wanted a hamster one day and didn't want it the next week. Once one found out that I would take them in, I ended up getting a lot of them. lol I had 17 unwanted hamsters, a rat the neighbor didn't want, 2 rabbits that we found homes for and even a fish tank full of fish that a neighbor decided he didn't want.
You have a kind heart, Mary!
DeleteOur oldest son (3M) has never forgiven us for lots of things, but that's at least partly his own, uh, unique personality tics. . .
ReplyDeleteOne of the ones I can share publicly is that we resisted the Xbox-type video games all through his childhood. So, once he moved out and got a job that would pay his own rent, he showed up one Christmas with an Xbox for his younger brothers. 'Cuz he didn't want them to be deprived like he'd been. . .
Lol, oh brother on that!!! We managed to escape the game systems here. My son was never interested, though he did love Rollercoaster Tycoon on the PC.
DeleteGreat post, Bijoux. You were right to say no to the Titanic for tots and that house of horrors.
ReplyDeleteI've said NO to myself a lot of the years because I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone. As I get older I can see that the comfort zone is anything but comfortable--it's just familiar. And I'd like to give a honking big NO to the familiar!
Yes, I'm afraid I've said NO to myself far too often, out of fear. Maybe 2018 can be a year of YES for us both.
DeleteI can't remember anything specific that was a big fat unchangeable "NO!" from me (I'm sure if I check with my kids they would remember something). But I remember my ex had a hard time with "no" - he always wanted to be the kids' friend and on their good side, so his "no's" tended to be wishy-washy. Very frustrating for me, of course, and probably one of the reasons he's an ex. Luckily he grew up and became a better parent (and probably a better no-sayer) after we split up.
ReplyDeleteThat would be hard to always be the heavyweight parent in the relationship.
DeleteAnd yes, kids seem to remember these things!
Can't remember much NOs from me, as I had suffered many NOs from my parents, so I decided to go easy on it (used it only in places where it was really necessary)
ReplyDeleteI grew up in a very strict household as well, so I understand the need to bend the rules at times. My kids understood my limits though.
DeleteI don't have kids, so I don't usually have to tell someone no. I always said no to babysitting (I don't like kids) when I was a teenager. Some of my parents friends would get an attitude about it sometimes, but my answer never changed. At work it irritates the daylights out of me when someone asks something is told no, then asks the same question with slightly different phrasing. The answer is still no. I don't blame you for saying no to the haunted house. I don't have kids, but that sets all kinds of alarm bells off for me, even as a non-parent.
ReplyDeleteLol, I remember some people not wanting to accept my NO as a babysitter for them. They thought I could drop everything to watch their kids. Ugh.
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