You know it's bad when a kind word from your bank teller makes you cry. At least I was able to wait till I got in the car . . .
To refresh your memory, my mother fell in her condo in early July and was hospitalized and then in a rehab facility for a broken shoulder. In the span of that 4-week period, I had to find an assisted living place for her to move into and get her furniture and belongings moved. Things went fairly smoothly and she gradually improved over the next two months and was able to transition from a wheelchair to a rollator (a walker with wheels). Things were actually looking up, with her going to activities and seeming to accept her new lifestyle.
In early October, she began complaining of back pain. This was not something that I had ever heard her complain about before. The pain grew worse and worse over the next 6 weeks, to the point where she was no longer able to sit and was confined to her bed, with the staff bringing meals up to her room. Various drugs were being given to her (which I was not thrilled about) which seemed to worsen her dementia to the point where she was having hallucinations with sight and smell. A week before Thanksgiving, the nurse practitioner phoned me saying that she believed my mother was dehydrated and wanted to know if I wanted her sent to the hospital. I said yes. She was diagnosed with colitis and compression fractures on her spine.
Two days before Thanksgiving, I received a call from the Ohio Department of Health. They had received a report from the hospital that my mother tested positive for salmonella. I had to answer all sorts of questions (most of which I wasn't able to, as she didn't live with me). My belief is that my mother was not washing her hands after toileting, which led to salmonella/diarrhea/dehydration.
She is currently in another rehab facility, but it's not looking like she will be able to return to assisted living. Next week, I guess I'll be navigating if she should remain at the rehab facility, or if I need to look for a different nursing home.
Meanwhile, after four months of continuous purging, we finally had her condo cleared out. It's been on the market for three weeks, but no offers. A little disappointing, but I realize the holiday season is not the best time to sell.
 |
BEFORE: This was her bedroom closet, a walk-in that you couldn't actually walk into. Just a taste of what we faced.  |
I am blown away by the before and after photos of her bedroom walk-in closet. WOW...that's amazing! Well done! The basement looks amazing as well!
ReplyDeleteI spoke to my friend Diana Wednesday night, and she too has been going through a very challenging time. She's my friend whose husband passed away about a year ago and has a son with autism. I'm pretty sure you know who I'm talking about. Like you, she is going through so much change right now and has had a lot roadblocks placed infront of her. She is so stressed out. We talked on the phone for over three hours. She too cried.
You and she have been in my thoughts for the past several weeks, so I've been sending you lots of postive energy and prayers. Which I will continue to do.
If we don't talk before then, I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy New Year.
And thank YOU for your longstanding friendship! I value it.
X
Thanks, Ron. Yes, I remember Diana. I can’t imagine what she’s been through, losing a spouse at a younger age. I seriously don’t know how I’d be managing all of this without my husband. He keeps me sane! Three hours on the phone! Wow! I’m 100% sure that you are such a comfort to her. Please let her know I’m thinking of her during the holidays. And thank you for the prayers and positivity. It helps to feel the empathy. I’ll try to email you over the holidays! XO
DeleteP.S. Stupid Blogger not letting me log in under my name!
So sorry you have all this to cope with. It's very hard. Having helped with a friend's house after her death, I vowed not to leave clutter for my son to cope with, and I've been winnowing routinely. It's getting manageable now. Do try to take a little care of yourself, too, if possible, if only a few minutes quiet.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I am also trying to minimize my belongings.
DeleteOh Bijoux! What a TIME you have had. You have been such a patient person and such a good daughter and I KNOW it has not been easy. Actually, scratch that, it's been the exact opposite of easy. It feels nightmarish. But look at how great the condo looks. Goodness, you put so much work in. I'm so sorry you're going to have to figure out YET ANOTHER place for your mom.
ReplyDeleteCompression fractures on her spine! I wonder if that was from her fall or from something else? No wonder her back hurt.
Sending you lots of love and hugs, this is a lot to cope with but especially during the holiday season where everyone is jolly and so forth.
It’s definitely felt like a nightmare at times. The hardest is when I wake up at 2 am and my mind is racing, with worst case scenarios. I think the compression fractures is from osteoporosis, which I was also diagnosed with a year ago. Ugh. But thank you so much for your empathy!❤️
DeleteI'm sure clearing out all that stuff has really been keeping you busy. Hopefully after the holidays the place sells. I hope your mom feels better. Compression fractures are painful.
ReplyDeleteThere have been a few people interested, according to our realtor, but no offers. Let’s hope for soon so we can stop paying the utilities and taxes on it.
DeleteOh, I am so sorry. End-of-life can be a brutal time for families, and so it seems to be for you. I will pray for you, for the strength to face what you need to face, and to find God in the midst of your suffering. Hang in there. . .
ReplyDeleteThanks, Craig. I’m hanging in there! It’s hard to even sit with her, as all she talks about is wanting to die. It’s just so sad.
DeleteWow. I'm so sorry. You have had a full plate. This sounds exhausting. The condo looks amazing. Best of luck getting it sold. What a huge basement! Wishing you all the best this month. Hoping things settle down and you find some time to relax. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ernie. It was good to get the place cleaned out and move on to next steps.
DeleteWow! You guys have been working hard. Glad your mom's condo is all cleared out. Hopefully it sells soon! Hope she's better soon, too. With my new job I am starting to get a taste of what some families go through on a daily basis with aging parents. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteI’m sure your new job is eye opening. Thanks for your thoughts and good wishes.
DeleteThis breaks my heart for you and your mom. It's such a shame when the health of our loved ones gets to the point of no return. Sending you and yours all the positive vibes, good mojo and prayers that your mom feels more comfortable in the coming days.
ReplyDeleteYou guys really did a lot of work getting her place cleaned up; what an undertaking and I imagine it feels good to have at least that behind you.
Wishing you the best. XOXO
It was amazing when the last piece of furniture was taken out of there. Thanks for your good wishes.❤️
DeleteBIG hugs to you. You are dealing with SO much right now and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. It's so hard watching someone decline. As you know, my Mom is going through the same. The doctor said it's time she go to a memory care center. She is not going to leave her home happy when the time comes. Great job you all did on her condo. I can't imagine how good it must feel to have that done. I hope you're able to enjoy the holidays with your family!!
ReplyDeleteThey never seem to want to leave. I wish you much luck in the coming year. I’m trying my best to compartmentalize my mom from the rest of my life. Thanks for being here for me!
DeleteThis is so sad to read. Watching our parents grow old is one of the toughest things to see...especially when dementia is involved. My best to you, your family, and of course your mom. I can't wait to see what you come up with in 2024!
ReplyDeleteI just recently read that 50% of people will develop dementia. It’s shocking and so sad. Honestly, my husband and I are both a bit freaked out every time we forget something!
DeleteI hope your mom feels better soon, i'm praying for her fast recovery. I can feel how much of a good daughter you are. a loving and respectful child to her parents is one of the best person in the world.
ReplyDeleteJULIE ANN LOZADA BLOG
JULIE ANN LOZADA INSTAGRAM
How sweet of you to say and thank you for visiting.
DeleteIt's an understatement to say you have been going through tough times, Bijoux, and I was very sorry to read about your mother's continuing and debilitating health issues. The dementia is sad enough but when added to the infections and then the compression fractures and salmonella, it does seem overwhelming for you both. The before and after photos of the closet were amazing and I can't begin to imagine what a full basement was like to clear, but good for you to donate to so many places. My late mother died in December, right before the holidays, and my husband and myself and my brother dealt with clearing out her home a couple of months later. It was a difficult and time-consuming task, much like your own.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve a break and I hope that you and your family will be able to enjoy a peaceful and very happy Christmas and holiday season. hope the new year brings good things to you, my blog friend.
The holidays are the worst time to deal with loss, so I’m sorry that happened to you. My grandmother died on January 2, so I always associate the new year with that, even though it was 40 years ago. Our grandkids help keep us in the holiday spirit.
DeleteI'm so sorry you're dealing with so much with your mom. Hugs. Just in case, you don't post again, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Hopefully, 2024 will be a little kinder to everyone.
ReplyDeleteSo good to hear from you, Danielle. Thank you!❤️
DeleteGoodness, you and your mother are going through a very tough patch. I hope things ease up a bit and you sort out what are the best living arrangements for her.
ReplyDeleteWell done you getting rid of all those accumulated possessions. As you know, my mum was a compulsive hoarder and clearing out her flat after she died was a mammoth undertaking.
I still have a lot of boxes in my basement from her home that I need to go through, but I can do it when time allows.
DeleteI'm sending you an abundance of love, my friend. Your mom's basement layout is almost identical to the one in my mom and dad's home, which made me emotional and reminded me of how we are all connected. If you ever want to talk, email, or message me, I'm always here. 😘
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kari. I really appreciate your friendship❤️
Deleteoh Bijoux I'm sorry to hear what a difficult time you and your mother are going through. I hope you mum improves. I hope you have a happy and peaceful Christmas.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteBijoux, I'm so sorry. Dealing with an aging parent is so painful.
ReplyDeleteI had more than a few of those crying episodes myself--in fact there was an operator from an insurance company who was so sympathetic to my situation that I nearly keeled over.
As tough as this experience is, I promise that you will find strength you never knew you had.
My prayers are with you and your family and I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Thanks, Rob. I’ve also broken down while on the phone with insurance. There are some very empathetic customer service people out there, which has been a nice change from my past experiences. I hope you have a peaceful and blessed holiday as well.
DeleteMerry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy New Year to you, Bijoux. Sorry to hear about all of this with your mother. I remember some of the photos you shared before from that condo and I can't believe how much progress you made. Good luck with the sale and take care.
ReplyDeleteI keep getting positive feedback from the realtor, but no offers yet. Thanks for your good wishes and I hope the Shife’s have a great holiday.
DeleteMerry Christmas. I hope the house sells soon.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!
DeleteDementia is hard enough, but add in the colitis and that's hell. I have a tear in my l-5 from the inflammation from my ulcerative colitis and the pain can get unbearable. Salmonella on top of it is just the f-you icing on the crap cake she's dealing with. Hard on your mom and definitely taxing on you. What a way to go into the holidays. Geesh! The house looks amazing though. I hope you're able to get it sold quickly. At least that will be one less thing on your plate you'll have to deal with.
ReplyDeleteIf we don't see you back here this year. I hope you and the family have a happy Christmas and New Year!
Thanks, Theresa. And I’m sorry you’ve been through hell with your intestinal issues as well. Here’s to 2024 being a healthy one! XO
DeleteGoodness. I'm so sorry for the struggles with your mom, Bijoux. That's so sad and hard and scary. (Still Betsy.) Nice work with the condo clean out, though. Ooofda!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Betsy. Sadly, it’s been downhill for my mother since July. We got a lowball offer on the condo two days ago. Still trying to negotiate, but even our realtor is pissed!
DeleteWhoa. Even your realtor is pissed? Dang. I say, be patient. The right offer will come. (Hopefully. :/ )
DeleteI literally just signed the contract via computer. Deal could still fall through after inspection, but here’s hoping!
DeleteWell, alrighty then! Haha. Here's hoping. Even if not an ideal offer, it may be worth it just to be done with it! Hoping it all works out for the best outcome all around.
DeleteI am so sory to your mom. I hope your mom feels herself better now.
ReplyDeleteThank you friend. XO
DeleteI'm so sorry for all you've been through, and your mom too. ((HUG))
ReplyDeleteWow, I don't think I've ever seen such a big basement in a condo before. That and the rest of it was a giant undertaking, I'm sure you're relieved to be past that part of it all.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Mary
Thanks, Mary. The basement is huge, much bigger than I think ours is, and we have a pretty big house. The condo is under contract, so we are keeping fingers crossed that inspection, appraisal, and buyer’s loan goes through. Happy 2024 to you!
DeleteI don't know what to say, Bijoux. That's a whole lot to have to deal with. Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.
ReplyDeleteBlue
Thanks, Blue. It was a bad year. Good riddance to 2023.
Delete