I was five years old when I was first diagnosed with autism. While I didn't fully understand what autism was, I always knew I was different. This is because I struggled with skills that usually come naturally to most people. For example, one of my challenges was making friends in school. I wanted to play with the other children but just wasn't sure how to join in. Because of this, I would often play by myself.
Another struggle I had in school was gym class. While most children in my class enjoyed physical education, I dreaded it. This was because I struggled with gross motor skills such as jumping rope and throwing and catching a ball. I wanted to play sports like the rest of the class but when I tried, I failed. This made me feel embarrassed and I often felt isolated from the other students.
Something else I struggled with was talking. I have a stuttering issue which makes my speech hard to understand. Whenever I had to talk in class, I would stutter like crazy. This also made me feel embarrassed and also made it harder to make friends.
All of the challenges I faced lowered my self-esteem. I thought I just couldn't do anything right. I also felt like I couldn't tell anyone about my disability. I wasn't sure how they would react and thought they might treat me differently if they found out I had autism. So I made my disability 'my deepest hidden secret' and didn't tell anyone for years, not even my best friend.
(She goes on to tell how she finally sent her best friend a long email explaining her disability. I suspect that friend already knew. Her friend replied that she accepted her for who she was and wouldn't treat her differently. She also gave her a lot of encouragement, which has continued for many years. My daughter was even a bridesmaid in her friend's wedding. They are not as close anymore, but my daughter has made new friends and feels included and accepted in her new friend group.) Here is how she concluded her article:
I no longer feel like I am a bad person and feel confident that I can do wonderful things even though I have a disability. I am also a lot more open when it comes to discussing autism with others and no longer keep it a secret. In fact, during my college career, I actually did a report on autism for a psychology class and even shared my personal experience with the class. At the end of my report, the class got to ask me questions. One question that really stood out to me was, "If you could, would you get rid of your disability or keep it?" I simply replied that I would keep it. My disability is part of who I am and I just wouldn't be myself without it. In conclusion, I am proud of who I am and feel like having a disability has made me a stronger, better person.
I don't have anything I would like to ask your daughter, but what I would like to do is express to her just how in AWE I am of her. And that she is a perfect example of what it means to accept and embrace "what is", allowing it to show her that being different is a positive thing. Because in doing so, she is a true inspiration for others to do the same.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that your daughter came to this earth as a teacher.
For as long as you and I have been blogging with each other, I am still learning from the stories you share about your daughter.
Please thank her for me. And thank YOU, dear friend, for bringing her into this world!
X
P.S. I am going to email you a link to a touching documentary I've been watching about Autism and Love. I sent it to my friend Diana, who, as you know, also has a child with autism.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Ron. And as demanding as it can be as her parent, it’s also been the most fulfilling just to watch her overcome her challenges. Thanks for letting me know about doc because I never check my email here. I will look tonight for it.
DeleteOk, you had my emotions all over the place sharing this. What a wonderful, strong woman she is. I'm so happy to hear that the challenges she faced growing up and the feelings and struggles she had to endure have led her to realize that her 'differences' make her unique and she is perfect just the way she is. I think all any of us want and need is to be accepted for who we are. You obviously did a wonderful job nurturing her. Kuddos to you and her both!!
ReplyDeleteThank you. She’s in a very good place right now with her job and social life. I wish I could go back and tell myself back then that she’d be just fine!
DeleteThis is a powerful essay. It was eye opening to learn about how her diagnosis impacted her. I'm so glad she met a best friend in school and that she's in a good place right now. The world can be a difficult place for those who have unique challenges. I don't have a child with autism, but I have a few kids with ADD and they don't always do things/behave the way society expects them to, and that can be hard. I wish Lad would accept his ADD and approach his issues with more of an open mind rather than fight it and refuse to address it in a way that would make so many things more manageable.
ReplyDeleteDoes Middle Child feel like she has a strength that she attributes to autism?
I understand because Middle Child was also diagnosed with ADD and dyspraxia. School was honestly a nightmare most years, especially with the volume of homework because she never got any downtime. I had to sit with her every night for hours to get through it.
DeleteI asked her what strength she has that might be attributed to autism and she said her unique memory skills. She knows the birthday of everyone she has ever met (literally) and she can tell you the day of week that something happened in the past.
This essay is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest daughter is on the autism spectrum. She thinks a lot about her future plans for college and work. So my question to her is, "Were you scared about your future when you were in high school and if so, how did you overcome that fear?"
This is a question from me - did she have a job in high school or in college? What kinds of jobs did she hold and that she enjoyed? We are trying to find jobs that are "sensory friendly" ...the kinds of jobs where she won't be overstimulated, kinder jobs etc.
Sending you both a big hug. 😘❤️
I just asked her your questions and she said she was most worried about starting community college because it was a new environment. She’s always had issues of not knowing where to go or what to do if something new happened as well. One thing that helped her in high school was setting goals so she had something to work towards.
DeleteShe did not have a job in high school or college. There was no way she could handle anything else due to homework and the few activities she participated in. She managed to get an Associate’s Degree in Early Childhood Education (took 3.5 years to get the 2 year degree). It was rough and I have since deleted the post I wrote about the nightmarish end! Her first job in the field only last 6 weeks before she was let go. Her second try went a little better, but once she got this library job in addition (both were part time) she quit the preschool job after a while and was much happier.
All that to say, I know EXACTLY what you mean about a sensory friendly, kinder job. My feelings are that working with the public is not that! People are mean and rude and I knew she could be tricked by people at the cash register. She’s done great at the library. . . It’s quiet and she’s good with memorization so the Dewey Decimal system is easy for her. Plus, it’s a lot of nice women working there! Other jobs we’ve considered are stocking jobs at grocery stores (Trader Joes would be great if we had one nearby) or even CVS or Target. I know a young adult with a disability who has worked at Pet Smart for a long time and loves it, though I’m not sure exactly what he does. And then I know a young man with autism who has a Master’s and is a CPA and works from home for a bank. So, yeah, it’s a spectrum!
Hugs back at you!
Oh my goodness! Your daughter is so bright, deep and caring. I love her writing and her explanations; this opened my eyes for sure. I know that for most of us, the school years can be challenging because we all feel like the odd one; she had it even more so and overcame this.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me so happy to know she has a nice friend group, a lovely job and she has self confidence now!
I have no questions, but thank you both for sharing this with us!
She was always a good writer. This was probably before you read my blog, but she was published in a Chicken Soup For the Soul book about 6 years ago. Very exciting! Thanks for stopping by! XO
DeleteYour daughter is a published writer; that's nothing to sneeze about. You must be so proud--I know I am!
DeleteYes, we will always be proud of her!
DeleteI'm sure school was hard. But those words really moved me.
ReplyDeleteThere were some rough years, for sure. I’m glad it’s in the past.
DeleteGood for your daughter! My oldest has autism too. She's fairly high functioning but social situations are hard. ~B
ReplyDeleteI had no idea about your daughter! Have you ever written about her? Social situations are SO difficult!
DeleteI have not. We basically just carry on as normal as possible. She does decently well but has difficulty growing up. She'll be 19 on Friday but doesn't act like it.
DeleteWe had that issue for a long time. She was still asking for American Girl stuff in her early 20’s and I know she still watches kids tv shows in her room.
DeleteThat's so wild! Ours still wanted us to hide an Easter basket for her. I'm glad to know this isn't that unusual then. Thanks, Bijoux. :)
DeleteIt’s not unusual at all. Plus, they don’t like change, so those yearly family traditions are a big deal to them.
DeleteThe lack of wanting change--yes!
DeleteI swear, I remember when your daughter started her job as a library page. We really have been reading each other for a while!
ReplyDeleteI would love to know what your daughter's proudest accomplishment is, and what she considers her biggest challenge.
Yes, I do remember that we were blogger mates way back then. You thought her library job sounded fun! Great questions! She says her proudest accomplishment is being published in Chicken Soup For the Soul. Her library branch made a big deal about it and she had her picture and article about it in our local paper. Her biggest challenge is being assertive and knowing what to say to people in everyday conversations. It takes her time to process, so she has trouble keeping up.
DeleteGood for your daughter! She is a wonderful writer. It's eye opening to learn about autism from the perspective of someone who lives it everyday! It also says a lot about you and your husband and how you raised her and gave her the tools to learn and grow. I'm sure you are so proud!
ReplyDeleteYes, we are proud of how far she has come. Thank you so much!
DeleteIt's good that she stopped keeping her autism secret and found the courage to reveal it to other people. And I hope most people are like her friend, accepting her for who she is and not treating her differently.
ReplyDeleteIt’s become easier to be accepted as an adult. Kids can be cruel.
DeleteWow, you must be so proud of her! She sounds like a really remarkable young woman.
ReplyDeleteYes, VERY proud of her always!
DeleteWhile I do not have a specific question for your daughter, Bijoux, she certainly does sound like an amazing young woman who has managed to persevere and even grow stronger. It is unfortunate that she faced challenges not related to her disorder because she feared ow others would react.
ReplyDeleteShe was diagnosed in the late 90’s when most people didn’t know anything about autism besides the Rain Man movie. Plus, it was unusual for females to be diagnosed. It actually took me years to tell people I just met about her disability.
DeleteShe sounds wonderful and amazing. What an inspirational young lady, Bijoux. I can see why you are so proud of her.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mr. Shife!
DeleteBeing a kid is hard enough, but add in a disability that you feel the need to hide must have been real agonizing for her. I think it would be lovely if she could give some advice to those who have been newly diagnosed on some of the tools or exercises she might have used to learn more about her disability so she was able to accept it instead of hide it. While it's not autism, I've been reading a lot about those who have disabilities such as ADD and ADHD to better understand the headspace of my husband and best friend who both have been diagnosed with ADHD. The more that I learn, I feel that I might have undiagnosed ADHD myself on some level. I suspect that many people out there have it but since it's not widely talked about, we struggle along not knowing why. The more we have individuals willing to come forward with their stories like your daughter has, the more we can learn, grow, and accept all of our differences without shame.
ReplyDeleteShe has ADD and dyspraxia as well. There is no way she could ever drive a car, which is probably her biggest issue as an adult in the suburbs. One positive outcome of the internet is that those with autism can now find information and some community. And she’s even found some role models on shows like American Idol. I think those things have made it easier for her to talk about her disability. No matter what the disability, it’s a struggle. I hope your husband and friend have found coping strategies.
DeleteWhat a lovely essay! I'm so grateful that you shared your daughter's beautiful thoughts with us.
ReplyDeleteI felt so badly for her as she described feeling left out in school, but I'm just amazed by her courage and determination. My only question is why don't we have more people like her in this world?!
You and your husband raised a fantastic human being! Much love and blessings to all of you!
Thanks a million, Rob. She is one of a kind.
DeleteThat is incredibly brave that she put herself out there like that in college for people to ask questions.
ReplyDeleteI honestly know very little about autism, but I'm curious about what exactly "on the spectrum" means. I have a coworker who has a child with autism and she maintains that Nick is "on the spectrum" b/c of his issues w/ food texture and not allowing foods to touch. A few people have said I'm "on the spectrum" b/c of my issues with noise. I'm assuming it's a term that's overused, like OCD being used when someone is particular about something, but this seems like a good time to ask instead of guessing.
Yes, you are exactly correct. It’s being WAY overused. A person gets diagnosed by having multiple tendencies (and the DSM guide that psychologists use has changed since my daughter was diagnosed). Her original diagnosis was Pervasive Developmental Disorder- Not Otherwise Specified because she didn’t do the repetition of Asperger’s. Now everyone is under the Autism Spectrum Disorder umbrella. The texture and sound issues ARE part of the diagnosis, but only a minor part. And if you think about it, we could ALL be on the spectrum, because most everyone has some oddity that’s under the umbrella.
DeleteAutism is tough. I am on the spectrum & life is a struggle, especially growing up. It certainly sounds like your daughter has done well.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting.
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