Let’s Talk Tuesday: It's My Anxiety

I have no idea how I came across this digital article, but it totally resonated with me. The main points are to the left in green.

As a person who plans her daily life, social events, and vacations to the minute, I can see how my anxiety and worry shows itself as planning for dangerous outcomes. For example, my spouse never understood why I'd be freaked out if one of our kids got sick. It's because I knew if one got sick, it could eventually turn into all five of us getting sick, which would then ruin whatever plans I had the next week, whether it be volunteering for an event or a dinner out with friends. "Why are you worried about something that hasn't happened yet?" is what he'd always say to me. It's hard to explain, but it was because I felt the burden of being the one who would have to take one of the kids to the doctor, while balancing when I'd need to be home or pick up another one, and what about if I had to cancel my plans?

It wasn't always about someone becoming ill (something like jury duty can really throw me for a loop), but I have always had to run through worst case scenarios in my head to prepare myself. I feel as though if I've imagined what could possibly go wrong, I can make a plan of action to deal with it. I don't want to be caught off guard.

A current example of my anxiety: On March 30th, I received my Daily Informed Delivery Digest (an email that shows photos of all the mail you are to receive that day) and it showed a picture of an envelope from the Bureau of Motor Vehicles containing my car registration/license tag. I do the annual mail-in payment option. Well, I didn't get it that day. Begin the worry! Nor did I receive it the day after, or the next day, etc., etc.

Besides reporting it online (which never does anything besides make you feel as though you've done something), my plan of action was to go to my local post office to inquire. I did that last Monday. First, the woman told me it was the BMV's fault for not sending it out on time, but when I reiterated that it showed up in my Daily Mail Digest, she basically shrugged and told me it must be lost. I decided I'd have to psych myself up to actually drive to a local BMV and explain that my registration/tag must be lost in the mail (without going into the details that I saw it on my Daily Digest). My plan was to go today because I didn't have anything else going on and the line is always long. My anxiety was two-fold: that someone at the post office stole my registration (therefore, had my address, birth date, and vehicle serial number), had put my tag on their car, AND that the BMV employee would give me the run around, make me fill out the paperwork again, and pay the fee for a second time. All with strangers in line behind me, listening to the whole scenario.

So, yes, I've been losing sleep over this whole stupid thing for the past three weeks. Yesterday, this shows up in my mailbox:

Where has this been for the past three weeks? One day later and I'd have wasted a trip to the BMV (and possibly another $57).

Through a lot of self-reflection, I've realized that I didn't have any control over my home environment/life as a child and this is how I've always compensated. I don't think it's something I'll ever get over.

Do you suffer from anxiety and do you feel it's a form of dysfunctional planning? Any ideas on its origin in your life and have you found ways to cope?